where am i from again
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
