Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
