I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
