She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We had to coat check the pizza.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
