Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
