Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
