I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
A+ Viking dick
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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