i was born a porn star she said
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
