My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
