he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
