she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
