i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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