I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
