He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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