I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
