This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
