Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
