so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
