So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
