Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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