we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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