Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
