I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
