Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
