We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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