You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
When are your genitals available?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
