Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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