Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
