His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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