Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
