Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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