If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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