i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
