That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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