Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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