before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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