i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
