I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
