So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
