weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
