Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
