when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
