The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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