She is in my trunk
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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