I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
do herpes really smell.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
