Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
