You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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