Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
