he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There r osticjed everywhere
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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