dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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