I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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