DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
