i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
