Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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