I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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