omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Randomize
