he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
