If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
