i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
