if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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