Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have tasted many bathrooms
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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