Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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