He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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