kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
