non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
