It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
