Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
