Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
